Kneel Before This Love: Epilogue

Too Clumsy for Love

She may have cut a slender figure as she disappeared off into the distance, but she’d been one tough customer. Even with a bunch of scowling bruisers getting up in her business, she’d kept her courage right to the very end, and he had to give her credit for that. When it was a scumbag he was dealing with, he could walk away boasting that he’d “exterminated the pest,” but confrontations like this one left him with nothing but a wry smile.

Well, either way, I’m still gonna keep doing this.

The woman who had departed was the girlfriend of his childhood friend—no, of the man he’d been in unrequited love with for years and years. Or rather, had been the girlfriend, as he could now happily declare. After hearing that her boyfriend’s father was a gang lawyer for a criminal syndicate and that her boyfriend himself was old friends with a gang boss, she’d raised her eyebrows and spat out, “Why didn’t he tell me? Unbelievable.” Apparently the truth of her boyfriend’s background had sounded like nothing but an obstacle to promotion for an elite government official like herself. She’d been a stout and calculating woman, and it had taken her no time at all to decide, “I can’t see him anymore.” The fact that her boyfriend had kept his position a secret from her had seemed to wound her pride, as well. She must have had her own side of the story, but that didn’t change the fact that any woman who could let him go so easily didn’t deserve to be his lover.

Every time that man got himself a girlfriend, Mitora would pay her a little visit and be sure to pass on a tip: Your boyfriend’s got ties to gangland.

He could claim it was a “litmus test” all he liked, but he knew perfectly well that his real motivation was these emotions inside him, festering and out of character. He couldn’t bear to watch those women hanging off his arm, strutting around like he was theirs, when Mitora knew they’d all be out the door the second they found out about their boyfriend’s ties to him. There had only ever been one woman who hadn’t quailed at Mitora’s existence, but that had been a very long time ago. Maybe, if the man could at least find another woman like that to go out with, Mitora could make his peace with it. Maybe he’d be able to accept it.

No, there wasn’t a woman alive who belonged next to Fuyuki Suwa! He should be the one beside Fuyuki—no, Fuyuki should be the one beside him.

Mitora Komine gave a little sigh. But then, pretty sure I’m the last fucking person Fuyuki would actually want next to him.

Fuyuki would probably go his whole life never even knowing that Mitora was thinking such things. He pictured his beautiful childhood friend, puffing up and baring his fangs like a bristling cat whenever Mitora came near. Fuyuki treated him like shit every time he saw him, but Mitora kept coming back for more. No matter how hard Fuyuki tried to get rid of him, how coldly he snubbed him, Mitora would never walk away. His persistence was the only thing stopping him from fading out of Fuyuki’s life completely. The object of his unrequited love often reviled him for his “outrageous arrogance,” but sometimes Mitora purposely chose not to read between the lines.

Born the son of the head of the greatest widespread criminal syndicate in all of Japan and raised as the eventual heir to his father’s throne, Mitora had understood that his situation was special even as a boy. He was allowed to want and go after anything at all in the world, but his responsibilities were for life; he could never escape them. He had no freedom in the truest sense of the word. And when Mitora had realized that, he’d made a decision: the one desire he would never let go of, the one selfish wish he would fight to make true, would be his feelings for Fuyuki. If he could just make Fuyuki his, he’d never ask for anything else. To Mitora, Fuyuki was the one and only person for whom he would happily trade away everything else in his life. He’d been in love with him for over a decade. He thought he’d been pretty diligent about trying to get his attention, but every year the distance between them only seemed to grow.

Fuck it, maybe I should just take it all.

Was it mounting frustration from years of unrequited love that turned his thoughts in that direction?

Take it all by force. Make Fuyuki his in every way.

…and once the man had fallen into his arms, Mitora wanted to devote everything he had to him. Could that ever be enough for Fuyuki to forgive him for his coercion and accept him at his side?

Either way, it’d be a long fucking battle even after I took him.

He knew better than anyone that Fuyuki was a man of fire and grit. That was what had made Mitora fall in love with him in the first place. He wasn’t nearly optimistic enough to hope that capturing a man like that would make him just conveniently fall in love back.

The chances of his love ever bearing fruit were slim. Every year that went by drove the nail a little deeper into the coffin. Made him a little more desperate. Squeezed his chest a little tighter.

And still he couldn’t let him go. These feelings would be his first and only love, for all of his life.…

“Mm…” Mitora groaned, shifting slightly, and the sound of his own voice brought him awake.

Oh, I was dreaming.…

The nostalgia was overwhelming. Even now, thinking back on that memory made him feel sentimental.

“You’re up now?”

A shadow fell across his face. The man who was peering down at him was his love, his childhood friend who had accepted his feelings. Fuyuki. Mitora remembered his dream from moments ago. Fuyuki had felt more distant than a stranger for so many years, but in the end Mitora had made the man his by force. He had steeled himself for the long haul, but Fuyuki had come to return his love sooner than expected.

And now, Mitora was just whiling away the days after his happy ending. The idea that one day he might be able to doze off like this with his head in Fuyuki’s lap would have seemed hopeless to him just one year ago.

“What were you dreaming about?” Fuyuki pushed a teasing finger into the furrows in his brow.

“Huh?”

“You were scowling the whole time so I figured it was a nightmare,” he said, flashing him a playful smile without a care in the world.

“A nightmare…” Mitora trailed off.

It had been a memory from the time in his life when his mind had been stewing with his love for Fuyuki, and the misery of his hopelessness had been crushing. He guessed he could call that a nightmare.

Actually, maybe not…

He popped himself up to sitting and lunged at Fuyuki, dragging him down to the floor.

“What the—?!” Fuyuki’s eyes flew wide open as Mitora’s weight slammed him down onto the tatami. “Watch it, idiot! What the hell do you think you’re doing! You made me fucking hit my head!” He started pounding his fists into Mitora’s back. “And why the hell are you horny all of a sudden!”

“I guess, ah, how do I put this,” Mitora said, pulling up the hem of Fuyuki’s shirt with a grin, “I was thinkin’ that was a real nice dream I just had. Really made me appreciate how happy I am right now, y’know?”

“Uh, what?” Fuyuki cocked his head, looking mystified. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m gonna give you a piece of this high I’m feelin’ right now, Fuyuki, help you understand my happiness.”

“Hey, get your hands off there!” Fuyuki’s face flushed bright red, maybe because all his clamoring was wasting his oxygen.

“Fuck, you’ve got a fine ass. Can’t keep my fuckin’ hands off it.” Mitora massaged the thin curves of Fuyuki’s ass through his jeans. He was the only one who got to lay hands on this ass now. No fucking way he was letting any man… or woman get close.

“Asshole!” Fuyuki was thrashing to buck him off but Mitora was bigger than he was and pinning him down; he didn’t stand a chance. Apparently getting suddenly pounced on had thrown Fuyuki into a panic, and he was busy calling Mitora every obscene name in the book until Mitora nipped at his mouth to silence him.

“…oh!”

Fuyuki tensed slightly, but Mitora ignored him in favor of forcing their lips together. He kissed him over and over again, like little pecks from a bird, and eventually Fuyuki’s lips went soft and pliant against his.

“Mm, mmgh…” Moans rumbled from his pale throat. Fuyuki was a fellow man, so his throat was not dainty like a woman’s. He possessed the legacy shared by all men on the planet, an Adam’s apple, so it didn’t look smooth or sleek, either. But the sight of it still drove Mitora wild, wild enough to want to eat him up right there.

He stroked Fuyuki’s throat with the palm of his hand while his tongue swept into his mouth, and Fuyuki squirmed as if being tickled. He was smiling, no longer angry.

“What’s gotten into you?” he murmured, pulling back just far enough to speak. “For a man your age, sometimes you act like a dog. And a misbehaving mutt, at that.”

Fuyuki snickered low in his throat, and Mitora leaned in to rub their noses together. “You gonna call me misbehaving? What about all those violent lessons you’re always givin’ me with your fists, huh?”

“Well, you still don’t listen.”

“Besides, I’ve heard dog training these days is all about positive reinforcement.”

“Ah!”

Mitora’s fingers had snaked their way under Fuyuki’s shirt, and Fuyuki’s shoulders leapt in a shiver the second he began to play with his chest.

“Come on, baby, where’s my treat?” He pinched the man’s sensitive nipples, and Fuyuki bit his lip with a groan. It was a sensual expression, but the spark of defiance hadn’t faded from his eyes.

“I haven’t seen any behavior worth rewarding!”

“Well, you’re supposed to be appreciatin’ this deep love I got for you.…”

“Oh, enough with your bullshit!” Fuyuki flicked his forehead before giving him a grin. “Or do you need a reward before you can love me?”

Mitora gaped at him, taken completely by surprise. He was frozen for a second before laughter bubbled out of him in a snort. “The fuck I do.”

“That’s more like it.”

When they were done chuckling at each other, Fuyuki held out his arms and said, “Come on then.”

He had Fuyuki’s consent. He was allowed to desire him. How could anything else in the world ever compare to a happiness like this?

Mitora closed his eyes and flung himself into Fuyuki’s waiting embrace